Cold.

Fire burns.
Sun warms.
Heat comforts.
Embraces heal.

I wish I could feel the heat,
no warmth breaks through to me.
Why? Why am I cold?
No matter my attempts,
I fail and fail each time.
Darkness closes in on me.
The cold has frozen every part of who I once was.
All I've left is this empty shell.
"You're not 'happy-go-lucky' anymore,"
I've heard voices say.
It doesn't bother me that they say it,
not as much as knowing that it's true.

Ice freezes.
Darkness cools.
Cold frightens.
Hate grows.

There are moments,
rare yet not unheard of,
when a warmth begins.
A small part of me feels the heat,
and it grows.
But when it overwhelms me,
I feel as though life is "okay"
and then it's snatched away...
as quickly as it came.

My heart is cold,
my head numbed from this hypothermic state.
Denial, anger, hate, pain, questions.
Acceptance, joy, love, healing, answers.
Cold and warm cannot survive amongst each other.
So the internal battle rages on.
The winner: undecided. Unknown.
But currently... I'm cold.

by kelsi lynelle.